Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Romance Thesaurus - Part IV

The other night, I was having a conversation with my friends, and, yet again, the ridiculous nature of romance euphemisms came up. It's been a while since I've done a Thesaurus post, and while we've covered breasts, penises, nipples, balls, peen heads, butts and their holes, there is still so much ground to cover!

How about...

Crotch area (female)

That sounds super romantic, doesn't it? No? Well, never fear. Romance writers are here to help.

Acceptable terms for this are: mound, core, center and apex between her thighs.

You can also use curls, as in "he reached out to caress her dark curls." Of course, be sure through context, the reader the reader knows you are not referring to her head. Also, don't use the adjective "coarse" with her curls. That's okay for men, not so much for women. Realism isn't big in the romance world. Ask all the men getting blowjobs in their bathtubs.

Notice, I'm not touching the actual vag yet. That's another post. I can't hardly even with the words for that one.

That said, lets move onto...

Crotch area (male)

Here is where coarse curls will work, particular if you have "her eyes travel down his hard abs, trailing the hair that culminated in coarse curls at his base."

Oh, there you go. Base is another word you can use.

Groin is acceptable for men, usually used as "blood pooled in his groin."

Loins is a big one. You'll see a lot of action in his loins.

In either sex, genitalia or genitals is rarely used, though I have seen it here and there.

Hmm, let's do one more...let's make it a good one. How about cum?


One of the most important things to remember, before we get really into it, is the difference between the verb and the noun.

People are going to come, coming, about to come, etc. Then when they've come, the cum spurts inside her, lands on her chest,  splatters on her body, coats his hand, etc.

You get the idea and see the difference, right? God, these posts are so gross.

Okay, so how do we refer to cum?

Cum works, believe it or not. Perfectly acceptable.

There can be spurts of it, ribbons of it, streams of it, shots of it, ropes of it.

You can refer to it as cream, juices or moisture...but, please. Don't.

A good thing to call it "She licked it off her lips."

I, personally, would love it if you didn't have your character lap it up in any form. Whether he's lapping up cream from his lover's chest, or lapping up juices from his girlfriend's "core" I cannot even contain my cringe.

We are people, not dogs. A good mantra for a romance writer to keep in mind. Unless, of course, you're writing shape-shifter porn fic. Which is more common than you'd probably think.

Oh, gosh, and one of my most hated terms is weeping. I know some authors who prefer the term, but please, for the love of erotica, don't make your peen weep. That brings to mind...not sexy things. Maybe a doctor's visit is in order.

Okay, I've had enough for now. Stay tuned for the next edition, whenever I regain my stomach to post it!