Thursday, January 31, 2013

Book Review - Here I Go Again, Jen Lancaster

Here I Go AgainHere I Go Again by Jen Lancaster
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

As a story, Here I Go Again sucked. Wait! Keep reading! (Even you, Jen, if you do things like read Goodread Reviews.)

It was a smarmy, unrealistic mishmash of It's a Wonderful Life and Mean Girls.

I know, you're thinking, um, it's about a time-travelling jerkface, it's obviously not meant to be realistic.

And I know. I know. But, for me, even my unrealistic stories need to tie up their loose ends, and make sense in the alternate reality they've forced into existence. And Here I Go Again doesn't do that.

There are a lot of inconsistencies, and plot points that weren't thought out, weren't followed through. (Okay, here's where the review gets good, I promise.)

But Here I Go Again ISN'T a story. It's a parable. And as a parable, it's fantastic. Right up there with the New Testament, and much more relevant to me at my current place in life.

The point of the book is pretty much exactly what the book SHOUTS at you (not exactly subtle, really, this book). Small motions create huge results.

And this is a truth. Even those of us without little vials of magic potion know that. But sometimes we forget.

The sub-theme is that kindness, true kindness--not the kind with any self-serving purpose--wins out in the end. That karma (even though it's NOT karma, but that's a semantics argument for another day) will get you. That you reap what you plant.

These lessons are some that I really needed to remember right now. Not that I'm being cruel to anyone, or experiencing anything near as extreme as the protagonist here, but that I could stand to be a little kinder, a little gentler, a little more loving as I go through my day-to-day life. I do a fairly good job, but I can get so caught up in what I need to succeed, and what I need to do physically for others to make them happy, that I forget, sometimes, to sit back and love and appreciate.

I was already making amends in this way, and Here I Go Again was excellent supplement reading for my journey.

So, yeah, the story? Not so much. The parable?

Aces.

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Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Book Review - Touch and Go by Lisa Gardner

Touch & GoTouch & Go by Lisa Gardner
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Don't let the stars deceive you, this thriller by Lisa Gardner is good! It had me in tears several times as the author went through the private lives of the victims, perpetrators and investigators of a kidnapping in the Boston area.

I really enjoyed the use of first person for Libby Denbe's character. As the wife of Justin Denbe, she gave the reader a very personalized view of the family's home life before the abduction. Gardner's choice of voice was strong throughout, using accounts from private investigator Tessa Leoni, NH Detective Wyatt, and the kidnappers themselves, to wind the story around.

I was utterly ensnared not only by the action and motives of each suspect and character, but also by the relations between them. I really loved Z, his whole character development. The killer with no morals yet high respect for how the game is played and high regard for those who stand up in the face of danger. Radar, too, with his subtle helping, here and there. However, the plot had some major holes for me.

First, the prison in which the family is kept. Really? The state of New Hampshire is going to build a prison and not use it (which I could believe) but then have it completely electrically hooked up and ready to go? The thermostat always set at 77 degrees? Really? That's a lot of money to waste, isn't it? And at first, I thought the lights were always on, but at the end, the kidnappers shut the lights off. The power company isn't going to notice a huge spike in output from that location? I think they just might.

The rest of my problems involve SPOILERS, OMG, SPOILERS, FOR REAL I WILL GIVE AWAY THE WHOLE FREAKING BOOK RIGHT HERE SO STOP READING, JUST KNOW IT HAS HOLES, OKAY?!

Go here for spoilers


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Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Romance Thesaurus - Part III

Okay, so we've gone over penis and breasts, and we've gone over nipples and balls, but there is so much more in this wonderful world of romance writing to tackle.

Let's start today with butt, shall we?

 Butt: You can refer to this body part as a butt. Shocking, I know. Also acceptable would be buttocks, backside, ass, rear end, behind. You could even get away with buns or rump on occasion. That should be enough right there, no?

Booty is acceptable in certain cases, according to your tone. Obviously not for use in historicals, etc.

"The queen's pert booty..." No.

Tush is okay. But steer clear of tuckus/tuchus or any other childish derivative.

If you use cheeks, make sure you have made it absolutely clear in the context that you are talking about butt cheeks. Otherwise you'll have some confused readers on your hands.

Please, God, do not use terms like pooter or patootie. Use your judgment. And, guys, we have enough one-word ways to refer to butt. You don't need to go all descriptive on us.

"The tear-drop shaped orbs place right below her spine." Really?

Okay, so how to describe the butt?

Smooth is good. Round, pert, tight, perky, athletic...these all work. Feminine is okay. They do look different from masculine butts in most cases.

Try to avoid fruit comparisons. I've seen apples, pears, melons, pumpkins. No. Just no. Unless you can find a way to compare a butt to a spaghetti squash. That I'd like to see.

So, what do people do to a butt?

They can enter it, cup it, fondle it, touch it tenderly, knead it (though I'm not really a fan of this one), rub it, pull it close, etc.

They can ram into it, butt up against it (see what I did there?), caress it, squeeze it.

I, personally, would avoid ass-to-mouth. I mean, yes, it is done, and yes, some authors write it, and yes, some readers read it. And like it. But not me, though. Just, I mean, there are so many other things to do with a butt than lick it and then kiss the other person. Right? Just throwing that out there.



So, what's next. Hmm. Oh, logically, the hole.

This one is really tough.

How do you sexily refer to an asshole?

Okay, acceptable terms, in my opinion, would be asshole, hole, opening.

I'm less a fan of puckered entrance, or anything puckered really, but I've seen it done and I've made it past it.

And don't forget him and/or her, instead! This is truly a lifesaver. If the context is right, you can totally say, "He pushed gently into her, stretching her, readying her," and you never have to specifically refer to what what up the butt butt. Wonderful.

Okay, and the actions. Let's take this bit by bit.

Ways to get a finger inside a butt:

You can slip it in, push it in gently, insert it, slide it in. Try not to ram it in. Studies show readers appreciate not being pummeled up poophole right away. They like to be eased into it. Sometimes you'll want to massage the area first, or tease the skin around it, or, you know, something.

Once you've got that digit in there, go ahead and push a second one on up. Then you can stretch him or her, seat your fingers, scissor them, get her body used to the intrusion, whatever you like. Usually two fingers is enough before the main event. No need to draw it out more than that.

Ways to describe a butthole or what it does to your character's penis:

Tight, hot, searing, clenching, enclosing around, sheathing.

I have seen pulsating. I do not think it means quite what they think it means, but it works in a pinch. Close enough, right?

Save "milking" for PIV. Something about poop shoot milking just doesn't sit right.

Above all, folks, above all, remember: Do not forget the lube!

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Feature Follow Friday Time

It's time for a little feature and follow Friday.

The rules are as follows:

  • (Required) Follow the Follow My Book Blog Friday Hosts {Parajunkee & Alison Can Read}
  • (Required) Follow our Featured Bloggers
  • Put your Blog name & URL in the Linky thing. You can also grab the code if you would like to insert it into your posts.
  • Grab the button up there and place it in a post, this post is for people to find a place to say “hi” in your comments and that they are now following you.
  • If you are using WordPress or another CMS that doesn’t have GFC (Google Friends Connect) state in your posts how you would like to be followed
  • Follow Follow Follow as many as you can, as many as you want, or just follow a few. The whole point is to make new friends and find new blogs. Also, don’t just follow, comment and say hi. Another blogger might not know you are a new follower if you don’t say “HI”
  • If someone comments and says they are following you, be a dear and follow back. Spread the Love…and the followers
  • If you’re new to the follow Friday hop, comment and let me know, so I can stop by and check out your blog!



  • This week's question is: If you could choose one supernatural being to exist, what would it be?

    I would choose angels. I like the comforting goodness of them. (For those of you who think angels already exist, this is not meant to offend.)

    Okay, here's the linky list. Go ahead and join!